Is there such a person in your life, or are you always thinking about the feelings of others and ignoring your own feelings?
- When I was at school, I was a little tall, and the teacher liked to let me sit in front of me. at one time, I was very uneasy. I was always afraid to stand in the way of others. sometimes I didn’t even dare to sit up straight.
- When I was on the bus, I was always worried about whether there would be no place for children or old people to sit in. from time to time, I would look up. if an old man could not find a seat, I would be uneasy and ashamed.
Being too friendly is an unhealthy personality
Seven years ago, a psychologist in the United States, Rice Babanel, raised a mental health problem:
There’s a kind of person who’s too friendly. They are afraid of hostility and use not to refuse to gain recognition from others.
Most friendly women suffer from pain, encouragement, emptiness, guilt, shame, anger and anxiety all their lives.
The so-called too friendly, manifested in the fear of rejection, afraid that they will not be recognized.
So this kind of person is very sensitive and easy to be influenced.
So they become responsive, do not know how to refuse, even if difficult for themselves.
You never take the initiative to do anything that crosses or “may” cross the border.
Why are you so friendly?
In general, such “overly friendly” people should be subjected to a social pressure in the spirit and gradually change in their choice and judgment with the outside world.
For example, some people who are too friendly, they are religious, or are too strict with their parents from an early age.
In the end, they will not be able to strike a balance between “my value” and “social / other / collective / external value”.
They will feel that their self-worth is low, that altruism is lofty, and that the public and social interests are higher than their personal interests.
Then, get the following points:
My self-judgment is worthless-only when I satisfy the public interest and put altruism first can I have a good material life-to be recognized by others is the value of life.
And when they minimize their self-worth and raise the value of others / public opinion to the highest, they are forced to lower their bottom line indefinitely because they do not want to contradict any public opinion, and the person appears to have no bottom line and is too friendly.
Because they are friendly, they can be encouraged-people occasionally praise him for being too friendly-and they are particularly happy and feel recognized for their softness.
So they can sacrifice themself further.
What’s the problem?
From the beginning, they established that “the recognition of others is higher than their own needs”, which is self-defeating. They set obstacles to themselves and do not want to touch them; in the process of being too friendly, they constantly lower their self-worth in order not to conflict with the public interest, so they become more and more low-key, gradually silent, and easy to be bullied.
So you’ll be panicked by a rebuke from someone else. Continue to restrain yourself because of a compliment from others. By the end of the day, they had regarded self-restraint and helping others as a form of self-achievement.
Such a vicious circle.
It is easy to produce such personality in the culture of moral, group, fundamentalist doctrine and other social obligations to the supreme status, ignoring the freedom and needs of the individual.
To restrain this, first of all, you need to calm down and think about it:
I, yeah, that’s me, myself, what do I want? What I’m doing, is it what I want, or is it what others want?